Amazing Spider-Man 2: Yes, You Can Reasonably Make an Electric Boogaloo Joke

1. Some quick reflections on The Amazing Spider-Man 2 following...
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

But TL;DR? ASM2 wasn't very good. Looked pretty, though.

And that Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are so good on screen together? They should hook up in real life, or something. And that's all the good, right there.

2. There's a vague 'hope' theme in Amazing Spider-Man 2, which could've been subtitled ASM2: Unrelentingly Hopeless.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

Seriously, this is an unerringly dank and depressingly film. And in the moments where it's not? It's just wrong. Having Peter bound up to the stage, with all this attitude and swagger, and then kiss Gwen in front of everyone? You can call that guy Peter Parker, but that's not Peter Parker.

3. I say "vague theme" of hope because it's hilariously forced. Gwen uses it in speech, Peter muses about it, Harry uses it mockingly.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

I mean, it's also about responsibility and doing the right thing because you're screwed either way. Or, at least, that's what it's about when Peter Parker is recognizably Peter Parker. Which he wasn't. So it really wasn't about those things. It was about "hope". Except, like I said in that tweet, it wasn't really about that, either. Even though it claimed to be.

4. But Harry's right. There's nothing hopeful about this movie. It opens with a death & there are two deaths in the climax. Sooo much dying.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

Arrgh. Sooooo miserable. Who did they make this for? People who thought that The Dark Knight was too much fun? Who wished that Spider-Man's battles should probably be as needlessly destructive as Superman's in Man of Steel?

5. And where's the redemption angle? Spider-man baddies are tragic, bad guys by circumstance who can be redeemed. No hope for that, here.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

6. Electro's heel-turn happens instantly & without a clear reason. Harry's is rushed & has no impact, since we met him just 20 minutes ago
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

Electro is up there with Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face for Absolute Worst Super-Villain in a Film. Remember this?:

Electro is a clownish, unbelievable character (is he some kind of thinly veiled shot at Spider-man fanboys? could it actually be any more mean-spirited?) with an equally unlikely transformation into Spider-man's biggest enemy.

And Harry? The less said, the better. There's just nothing there. He gets an intro, a meeting, a conversation with Peter, a conversation with Spider-man, and then he turns evil. And that sounds like a lot, but it's pretty much 5 minutes in total. And do we even have the chance to care? No, no we don't. Because the Peter and Harry relationship is built on their memories of stuff that we never saw and comes as a complete surprise. But we're still supposed to feel something when Peter refuses to help him and Harry gets really, really, unreasonably angry?

7. On the bright side, Aunt May and Gwen supply great characters & performances. Strong (Gwen leaving), subtle (May knows!) & sympathetic.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

Who's the real star of this franchise? Sally Field. I mean, Garfield and Stone are good when they're given very little to work with - the story is awful, and Peter is just awful, so it works best when they aren't trying to advance the story - but Sally Field is great and Aunt May is great.

8. Naturally, then - spoilers! - one of them has to die. Because the male hero needs motivation & they exist for him. Sigh.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

Sigh.

Why Rob Ford's rehab - if it's even occurring - will fail

I've recently decided to embrace the uncommonly-used genre of the tweet-essay. Here's an effort from earlier today. It may work as something that I can translate to the blog, it may not. (The latter would be unfortunate, though, since I otherwise can't find time to work on my blog.)

Anyway, the context here is that Rob Ford took leave from his job as Mayor of Toronto and hopped on a plane, ostensibly to report to rehab. But then he was turned back at the border. His lawyer and brother claim that he's in rehab, somewhere, but we really don't know. And have no reason to believe them, frankly.

Where's Rob Ford? Find him!

1. One hugely pertinent detail in the Rob Ford rehab story is being ignored. Twitter essay on Rob and the family Ford to follow...
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

2. Sure, it matters whether Rob Ford is actually in rehab. And Doug's remark that "he's gonna come back a few pounds lighter" is a red flag.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

3. But, in another sense, it doesn't matter. Half of Rob's problem is his family. His mom and Doug ignore the problem; Kathy encourages it.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

4. Rob Ford is surrounded by enablers who have no clue what's best. And, after 30 days of rehab (if he's actually there), he returns to them
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

5. So, getting Rob Ford into rehab is only half the battle. If you can't get the entire family in treatment, then it WILL be a waste of time
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

6. I'm also stunned that the Fords STILL can't see the mayoralty was/is a huge stressor for Rob. He can't stay on the wagon AND be mayor.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

7. And Doug now won't deny that he's interested in running for Mayor if Rob drops out. He wants the title that destroyed his brother.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

8. Rob is the tragic collateral damage in his brother's sociopathic quest for power. The Fords don't seem to actually want him to get better
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

9. And I don't mean they want him to die. I mean that they don't want him to change. They've been clear many times - he's fine the way he is
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014

10. A Rob Ford who's drunk AA kool-aid, on the other hand? That's a Rob Ford who won't be on-message, who might recognize he needs a break.
— Neil Shyminsky (@neilshyminsky) May 6, 2014